Cinematic Titanic: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Nov 20, 2008

1h 26m

★ 8.0

Overview

The children of Mars are in a funk, and nothing on the red planet seems to be able to cheer them up. Martian King Kimar comes up with the only reasonable solution: kidnap Santa Claus from Earth's North Pole and bring him to their planet to make toys for their joyless, listless little green kids. Meanwhile, two Earth children get wise to the plan and are abducted along with Santa to prevent them from talking to the authorities. Luckily for them, Dropo, the Jerry Lewis of the fourth planet from the sun, is there to help them. The fiendish plot doesn't go according to plan, and there's plenty of intrigue, double-crossing, mistaken identity and stock footage for kids of all ages and planets to enjoy. Poorly conceived, sloppily made, and unfailingly bizarre, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is the ultimate Christmas movie-riffing classic (as fans of MST3K know) which is why Cinematic Titanic chose to revisit, re-riff, and release this holiday hamfest with all new jokes. Merry Crap-mas!

Genres

Comedy

Cinematic Titanic: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians Trailers

No Trailers found.

Cast

Himself

Joel Hodgson

Himself

Trace Beaulieu

Himself

Frank Conniff

Herself

Mary Jo Pehl

Himself

J. Elvis Weinstein

Isidor's Tortilla Heaven is the best restaurant in New Mexico maybe even the world. But though his tortillas are scrumptious, his enchiladas divine, Isidor has never made a dime. Why? He lives in Falfurrias, population 73. One Sunday, while all the town, including his wife and son, are piously praying mass, a miracle occurs. Upon one of his famous, hand-made tortillas appears the face of Jesus Christ.

6.6

Recess: School's Out

Feb 16, 2001

The school year is finally ending, and T.J. Detweiler is looking forward to summer. But boredom quickly sets in when his friends leave for camp — until T.J. uncovers an evil plot to do away with summer vacation! A crazy former principal, Dr. Benedict, is planning to use a laser beam to alter the weather and create permanent winter. Faced with the dire threat of year-round school, T.J. rounds up the RECESS gang and bands together with some unexpected allies — Miss Finster and Principal Prickly — in a nonstop adventure to save everyone's summer break. As the kids discover the heroes inside themselves, a platoon of wacky characters, far-out music, and sci-fi surprises turn this madcap mission into a major victory for fun!

7.1

The Bishop's Wife

Dec 25, 1947

An Episcopal Bishop, Henry Brougham, has been working for months on the plans for an elaborate new cathedral which he hopes will be paid for primarily by a wealthy, stubborn widow. He is losing sight of his family and of why he became a churchman in the first place. Enter Dudley, an angel sent to help him. Dudley does help everyone he meets, but not necessarily in the way they would have preferred. With the exception of Henry, everyone loves him, but Henry begins to believe that Dudley is there to replace him, both at work and in his family's affections, as Christmas approaches.

6.6

How to Irritate People

Jan 21, 1969

A pre-Monty Python mockumentary, written by and presented by John Cleese, that provides tips on learning how to irritate people.

6.2

Snowroller

Oct 4, 1985

Stig-Helmer takes another vacation with his norwegian friend Ole. This time it's time for a skiing vacation in the Alps. Of course, Stig-Helmer has never learnt downhill skiing, but he attends a ski school. And together they manage to charm two women also on vacation.

6.3

Carry On Abroad

Dec 1, 1972

A group of holidaymakers head for the Spanish resort of Elsbels for a 4-day visit. When they get there, they find the Hotel still hasn't been finished being built, and the weather is awful. And there is something strange about the staff—they all look very similar. To top it all off, the weather seems to be having an adverse affect on the Hotel's foundations.

6.1

Carry On Again Doctor

Dec 5, 1969

Dr. Nookey is disgraced and sent to a remote island hospital. He is given a secret slimming potion by a member of staff, Gladstone Screwer, and he flies back to England to fame and fortune. But others want to cash in on his good fortunes, and some just want him brought down a peg or two.

5.4

Carry On Behind

Jun 10, 1975

Professors Vooshka and Crump decide to visit an archaeological site to study the artifacts there. Lo and behold, it's right next to a caravan site where all manner of people are staying. With a randy Major owning the site, a snobbish mother, and the two professors' constant innuendos, the story ends with a sinking caravan site and a striptease performance as a replacement for the cabaret night.

6.5

Carry On Camping

May 29, 1969

Sid and Bernie keep having their amorous intentions snubbed by their girlfriends Joan and Anthea, so when they decide to take them on a holiday to Paradise Camp, they think they're off to a nudist colony—but they couldn't be more wrong, and meet up with the weirdest bunch of campers you can imagine.

3.9

Holiday Reunion

Nov 23, 2003

All Mitch Snider wants for his family is a traditional holiday feast with the relatives. The problem is that he doesn't have any. That is until he gets an invitation in the mail from his long-lost cousin Woodrow. What follows is a full-course meal of nonstop laughs when the neurotic suburbanites clash with the hippy hicks from hell in National Lampoon's most outrageous family misadventure yet.

7.2

Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now

Jun 25, 2003

Comedian and actress Ellen DeGeneres brings her honesty and off-the-wall wit to this stand-up special taped live at NYC's Beacon Theater.

5.8

Father of Four: In the Snow

Nov 1, 1954

Ib Schønberg is again the kindly father - and now he is crowned "the ideal driver". This means that he can take all his four children to winter holiday in Norway.

5.8

Father of Four: In the Countryside

Nov 7, 1955

Its summer and everyone are going on holiday to a small fisher town in Jutland.

5.8

Father of Four: On Bornholm

Dec 26, 1959

The popular Danish family are vacationing on the island of Bornholm. Unfortunately, they have not been able to get hotel rooms, but Tiny Per, always resourceful, have come up with the idea that they must sleep in a tent. Father and Uncle Anders are not quite enthusiastic about the idea, but there is nothing else to do.

5.7

The Three Kings

Dec 12, 2001

The Three Wise Men – Balthazar, Melchior and Gaspard – are on their way to Bethlehem to pay homage to the infant Jesus when they are suddenly, an inexplicably, transported two thousand years into the future. They find themselves walking the streets of Paris, where they encounter a young woman called Macha who, they are convinced, will lead them to the newborn Messiah.

6.8

200 Pounds Beauty

Dec 14, 2006

Hanna, an overweight lip-sync artist who ghost sings for Ammy, a known pop diva, secretly likes Han Sang-jun. When Ammy humiliates Hanna in Han's presence, Hanna decides to undergo a cosmetic surgery.

6.8

SpongeBob SquarePants: Spongicus

Jan 27, 2009

Prepare to be blown back on your tail fins! Visit the Bikini Bottom Symphony, check out the Chum Bucket's Rome-antic new look, see SpongeBob's take on normal, hear Plankton's new band, the Patty Stealers, take a trip to the Nautical Museum and more!

4.6

The Cookout

Sep 3, 2004

When Todd Anderson signs a $30 million deal with his hometown team, the New Jersey Nets, he knows that his life is set for a big change. To keep things real, he decides to throw a barbeque at his place -- just like the ones his family used to have. But when you have new and old friends, family, agents, and product reps in the same house, things are bound to get crazy.

7.2

Last Holiday

Jan 13, 2006

The discovery that she has a terminal illness prompts introverted department store saleswoman Georgia Byrd to reflect on what she realizes has been an overly cautious life. With weeks to live, she withdraws her life savings, sells all her possessions and jets off to Europe where she lives it up at a posh hotel. Upbeat and passionate, Georgia charms everybody she meets, including renowned Chef Didier. The only one missing from her new life is her longtime crush Sean Matthews.

Cinematic Titanic: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Overview

Genres

Cinematic Titanic: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians Trailers