I spend hours not being able to really see myself

Sep 4, 2023

0h 4m

★ 0.0

Who are we when we look in the mirror?

Overview

In a moment of deep crisis, I decided to recover to ease my pain. Sharing my thoughts and channeling them into a concrete product helped me make sense of my suffering.

Genres

Documentary

Drama

I spend hours not being able to really see myself Trailers

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Cast

ThemSelf

Axel Quaranta

At the age of 15, can you know if you ever want to conceive or give birth to a child? The team coordinator at the gender clinic in the Dutch city of Zaandam is doubtful. And yet this is one of the questions he asks the young people who register for psychological guidance. A fellow psychologist trusts that young people know what is good for them. He is a trans man and one of the experts by experience who work at the clinic. The use of language, already such a sensitive instrument, proves to be more complex than some expect. There are those who see it as unnecessary to mention your pronouns when you introduce yourself, but the majority are in favor. Director Ingrid Kamerling switches smoothly between observation and interviews. Above all, there is a sense of the need to equip young people and their parents as well as possible for the emotional journey of drastic change that lies ahead of them.

7.4

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Jul 20, 2001

Raised a boy in East Berlin, Hedwig undergoes a personal transformation in order to emigrate to the U.S., where she reinvents herself as an 'internationally ignored' but divinely talented rock diva, inhabiting a 'beautiful gender of one'.

5.7

Gender Revolution: A Journey with Katie Couric

Feb 6, 2017

Katie Couric travels across the U.S. to talk with scientists, psychologists, activists, authors and families about the complex issue of gender.

0.0

Chasers

Jan 28, 2025

At an LA house party, an aspiring musician pursues her crush through a crowd of hopeful dreamers chasing empty promises.

6.0

My Brother is a Mermaid

Jun 14, 2019

A short film about the experiences of a non-binary teenager, as seen through the eyes of their 7-year old brother. Set in a desolate seaside town, the film fuses social realism with fairytale, as it examines how a child's innocence and unconditional love can be a powerful and disruptive force for good.

5.2

Beautiful They

Jun 16, 2021

Violet and Blue's youth collide in an early morning toke that leads to the ocean where connection stirs. What results is a tender, uplifting, queer surf-romance about the nuance of gender and the refuge found in being truly seen.

No Image

0.0

Sex and Money: Dr. John Money on Sexual Identity

Jan 1, 1991

In this fascinating documentary on transsexuality, Dr. John Money shares his ideas on gender identity. Dr. Money is well known for his research on what makes a person become heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual or transsexual. In this film he presents his ideas on the anatomical and biological factors that steer one towards masculinity or femininity, sorting them out from the historical, cultural and sociological influences. Sex and Money shows people in various stages of transsexual transformation. We see the adaptations they have made with their families and partners, and note that they seem able to lead rather conventional lives.

0.0

A Wedding to Diego

Dec 16, 2024

A spin on the classic marriage film from Miracle Valenzuela Everett about a Latine non-binary sober writer, and their trans-masculine fiancé, who happens to be a hot mess. During their separate bachelorx parties, the two have a dysfunctional phone call that leaves them wondering if they will make it down the aisle.

2.5

Outerlands

Nov 15, 2025

Cass juggles jobs as a nanny, restaurant server, and party drug dealer in order to make ends meet and pay for their tiny San Francisco apartment. After a one night stand with Kalli, a co-worker they have a crush on, Cass agrees to watch her 11-year-old daughter, Ari, while she goes out of town. But as days pass without word from Kalli, Cass and Ari form a bond that spirals Cass back to their own difficult childhood and the pain they’ve been running from.

4.0

Ary

Mar 16, 2022

Ary Zara lives in limbo trying to understand who he really is. Refusing the gender binary categories that society imposes, at the age of 28 he decides to explore his identity by facing a physical and emotional transformation. A three-year journey revealing what is on the other side of the mirror through the courage, doubt and freedom of a deeply intimate process of self-discovery.

0.0

Sam's World

Jan 21, 2024

Sam–a non-binary mid 20s sex worker–navigates romantic, sociality and an impending pregnancy-related decision over the course of a weekend in New York City.

7.5

GEN_

Mar 27, 2025

At Milan’s Niguarda public hospital, the unconventional Dr. Bini leads a bold mission overseeing aspiring parents undergoing in vitro fertilization and the journeys of individuals reconciling their bodies with their gender identities. He navigates the constraints set by a conservative government and an aggressive market eager to commodify bodies.

6.8

Sorry, Baby

Jun 27, 2025

Agnes feels stuck. Unlike her best friend, Lydie, who’s moved to New York and is now expecting a baby, Agnes still lives in the New England house they once shared as graduate students, now working as a professor at her alma mater. A ‘bad thing’ happened to Agnes a few years ago and, since then, despite her best efforts, life hasn’t gotten back on track.

5.5

I Wish You All the Best

Nov 7, 2025

A non-binary teen is kicked out of their North Carolina home after coming out to their ultra-religious parents. As a result, they move in with their estranged sister and her husband. Though the two are welcoming, they continue to struggle with anxiety further exacerbated by their parents' rejection. As such, they try to keep a low profile at school. However, after they meet a proudly bisexual classmate, their life begins to look a little more hopeful.

10.0

Backspot

Dec 13, 2017

Ronnie, a 17-year-old competitive cheerleader, literally holds her team on her shoulders as the central backspot position. When hormones, the increasing pressure from her mother/coach, and town rivalries turn serious, anxiety attacks strike, throwing her place in life and in the competition culture into a tailspin.

0.0

Divine Intervention

Oct 11, 2024

To get the promotion of their dreams, a mischievous earth-bound angel must get two ex-best friends to finally admit their love to each other.

0.0

Humans

Oct 27, 2022

On the one hand, the multi-layered film functions as an autobiographical portrait of a non-binary person, but at the same time it presents the wide range of difficulties and joys that trans and non-binary people in the Czech Republic go through. The personal is political in this film, which is why the kaleidoscope of situations includes intimate conversations with their mother over fried schnitzels, shots from Ride of the Kings, costumed festivities in the Slovácko region, talking about their coming out around the fire, and serious topics of discriminatory Czech legislation regarding trans people. The informal character of the film is enhanced by authentic interviews and handheld camera footage accompanying the lives of the protagonists.

6.8

The Crying Game

Sep 2, 1992

Irish Republican Army member Fergus forms an unexpected bond with Jody, a kidnapped British soldier in his custody, despite the warnings of fellow IRA members Jude and Maguire. Jody makes Fergus promise he'll visit his girlfriend, Dil, in London, and when Fergus flees to the city, he seeks her out. Hounded by his former IRA colleagues, he finds himself increasingly drawn to the enigmatic, and surprising, Dil.

1.0

Wild Grass

Jul 28, 2019

After all his unhappy experiences Aytug come to the turning point of his life. Either he refuses the life which society offers for him and will end his life, or choose to live as he wants and stand out against society's norms of ideal gender role.

I spend hours not being able to really see myself

Overview

Genres

I spend hours not being able to really see myself Trailers